So, I turned 34. 34!! The older I get the more I feel like I should feel like an ‘adult’. And I guess that means different things to different people, but for me, it mainly means I’m not where I thought I would be in life. Mid-thirties and I’m still an undergrad student? I’m still not where I want to be financially (mainly because I’m a student). I’m not married, I don’t have kids (well, I have Bella, the best dog ever, but no human children.) The crazy thing is – I don’t even want children right now, but it is just something I thought I would have by this age because most people have kids by their mid-thirties.
I think if I had a career and was financially stable, I would feel like an adult. But it doesn’t help that I am going to school with people the could technicalllllllly be my kids! And I’m pre-med so that means I only have about 6 more years of school left 🙂 I’m saying all of this to say that these things are making room in my mind for doubt, discontentment and discouragement. These feelings are making room for thoughts like “I should just give up”, “Everyone in my class is so much younger than me”, “This is going to take forever”, “I’m too old for this” and on and on.
I thought I had conquered these thoughts but then my 34th birthday made its arrival – and they were back! School is taking longer than it should because i’ve had to move and I lost credits which makes a long program even longer.
We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
2 Corinthians 10:5
This is where the devil can get his foothold in our thoughts and make us feel like it’s not even worth our time. 2 Corinthians 10:5 tells us to not even entertain negative thoughts. It can just start as one negative thought and then one thought turns to two and more and more thoughts and then you start to belive those thoughts. God orders our steps and I believe that this is what He wants me to do.
A person’s steps are directed by the Lord.How then can anyone understand their own way?Proverbs 20:24
In their hearts humans plan their course,but the Lord establishes their steps.Proverbs 16:9
Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.Ephesians 3:20